Chuck Norris, You’re All I’ve Got by Casey O’Brien
Where sports were concerned, last weekend did not turn out so well for me and all of my teams. Luckily for me, the return of Walker Realistic Ranger made me forget.
Saturday was the absolute killer. I wake up and start watching the Ohio State, Michigan State game. I am from Ohio but it just so happens that I hate Ohio State and since Michigan State is the only team to beat Notre Dame thus far, a win would eventually help my Fighting Irish down the road. Michigan State loses. Ok, ok. That’s ok. Notre Dame is on now and they are playing #1 USC. I really thought USC would blow them out, but Notre Dame looked really good. It comes down to the end of the game with the clock actually hitting 00:00 and Notre Dame wins! A camera was on Charlie Weis raising his arms in victory. You know he was sporting wood, but the inner tube below his belt will forever hide such embarrassment. We all know what happened, but it was especially crushing for Notre Dame fans because of the hype, the way it ended, the need, etc, etc.
The Notre Dame loss was tough to swallow, but Sunday brings the NFL. My New York Jets had a winnable game against Buffalo, and my fantasy team was in first place and rolling. Maybe this weekend can be salvaged. Ahh, no. Although Vinny Testacle Dirty had a rushing TD, he ended up completing 46% of his passes, throwing 2 picks and got sacked 5 times. The Jets lose. Later in the day, Sean Alexander had 29 touchdowns in one game. Why is that important? My fantasy team was facing the team in my league who had Shaun Alexander. I got crushed. For all of you people who say, “It is only fantasy! It isn’t even real!” The only thing I can say is that it is real. It is too real. It is so real.
Now that Sunday turned out terrible just like Saturday, maybe I will just …wait …wait! Hold on a second! What is that I see on CBS? Holy shit! It is Walker Texas Ranger …err Walker Realistic Ranger! I can’t even believe it! Chuck Norris is back for a made for TV movie. The smile on my face is huge. I never realized how much I missed an old man (did you know Chuck was 65-years-old?) karate kicking hordes of meatheads, helping the townsfolk solve an injustice and bottoming out his deluxe Dodge Ram. You know, the Dodge Ram that doesn’t need gas because it runs on pure determination? Yes! All is well now. Everything is good.
It was if some higher being placed the TV movie there just for me and my terrible sports weekend. Maybe CBS is looking to bring back Walker and his band of usual helpers (black sidekick, the love interest where Walker can lay down a few charming zingers, and the old crusty veteran who offers wisdom in healthy spoonfuls), and maybe, just maybe it will be the cure for all of my tough weekends. Being a Notre Dame and New York Jets fan, I have a bunch of tough weekends.
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