Christmas is Here, Miyagi is Dead, and The Future

hi.

Here are the people I think about when Christmas rolls around each year:

Frederick Douglas

But now I have to add yet another name to that list ...Pat Morita (Mr. Miyagi). I heard he was dead. I could go on and on about him and his exciting life, but I only want to give you two Morita tidbits.

1. Pat Morita & Bruce Lee have done more to fuel Asian racism than you can imagine. When was the last time you saw an Asian dude and didn't think he knew karate? Hiiiiyah! Waaaa!

2. Pat Morita almost did not participate in original Karate Kid. Morita did not like the "Crane Kick," and insisted on replacing the move with his own "Double-Fisted Goatee," where he screams and slaps a whore.

Here is something righteous:

FutureMe.org

It lets you send emails to the future. It can be used as a time capsule, or to set goals for the future. Personally, I would use it to set up meaningless reminders like birthdays & deaths. The death emails will be a total crapshoot, so don't be freaked out when you get "Sorry for your loss" emails in 2020, but it is the year when I think most of your parents will die.

It wasn't by email, but I did recently find my 9 future goals that I wrote down on my 9th birthday. It must have been from a school project or something. Here are the 9 goals from the sealed envelope I just opened today.

1) #1 whiffle ball player in the country
2) Get a new Mongoose bike. They are the best bikes.
3) Never tell Hank I had a crush on his girlfriend Potty Pam. She peed her navy pants in the first grade, but she has great handwriting.
4) By 20, I want to be taller. The doctor said I would be 6 foot 1. That way I will be bigger than my cousin Trevor, and I can kill him.
5) By 30, I want to be married to Gina, the only Mexican bitch in my class. She is the only non-white bitch in my Catholic school. She keeps telling us that she is not Mexican, and is from Costa Rica. Liar. If you speak Mexican, then you are Mexican. I think she is cute.
6) I want to go through the D.A.R.E. program in the 6th grade, and tell my teacher Ms. Bartles that maybe she go through the program as well. Ms. Bartles will never be married because she has holes in her face.
7) I want to be a fireman so I can save Mexicans from grease fires.
8) I want to have the best handwriting in the world. Ms. Bartles keeps telling me that my capital Js are crooked, but My Uncle Dave says Ms. Bartles can serve his crooked ...and then makes a double handed gesture towards his legs. Uncle Dave says I will learn about it when I get older, but I know now. My friend Ricky told me that he had sex the other day with Gina. That makes 4 of us.
9) I want to be faster than Paula. With her speed, there is no way Paula is 9-years-old. She runs like a man. Paula is from Georgia, and I heard that people start school later and leave sooner in Georgia. My Uncle Tim said he would bet the farm Paula ends up serving both males and females in Las Vegas. I guess Uncle Tim expects her to be a waitress.


Merry Christmas to most of you if we do not talk sooner.