Jessica, We've Never Actually Met, But I Have Been Dating You

Tonight is our 7th date Jessica, and you know what that means! I heard 7 dates is the standard for touch down time. How about you take me out for a change? Hmm? Wear that blue dress you wore on our first date. Very pretty. Remember when we managed to get off an awkward first kiss?
The second date was about the same; I was getting to know you. We had weird pizza and you accidentally called me Rebecca, but that's ok. Rebecca ...Casey ...Casey ...Rebecca. I can see the mix-up. No worries Jessica.
The 3rd date you had those great green jeans on when you dry humped me. I had to take a cold shower after that one!
The 4th date you wore regular blue jeans, and dry humped me from behind. Weird, but I like the way you mix things up.
The 5th date was cut short because things got a little too hot & heavy. I went for 3rd base and you slapped me in the neck. My apologies for trying to soon. I thought you gave me the "go" sign when you said, "Time to fiddle the cat's hot tin roof." How was I supposed to know you grew up in a travelling jug band? I can make a train whistle noise through my empty Beck's Premier Light bottle.
The 6th date is when we brought it all back around to happy town. We held hands through Raiders of the Lost Ark. We fed each other BBQ'd pork sandwiches. We never left each other's side, except for when you had to poop before the movie. We didn't get naked that night, but it is like we knew that date number 7 would be lucky number 7.
So here we are Jessica. Tonight is the night. This is something that we have both been anxiously awaiting. I am finally going to have sex with you tonight, and if Starbucks will let you off early, you are more than welcome to join me.