Teddy Roosevelt: A Day In The Life Of

4:30am --Teddy sleeps in late. Kills breakfast. Muskrat never tasted so good.
6:30am --Teddy wakes up wife. Sex for over 3 hours. Ted disappointed with himself.
10:00am --Teddy finds kids playing. Beatings. 100 chin-ups soon followed.
11:00am --Horse ride through canyon. 23 buffalo, 12 Indians, & young cousin Franklin D's legs lay in his wake.
1:00pm --Orders Navy to fight hard. "But fight who Mr. President?" "Just kill them off."
1:15pm --Receives word 200,000 Filipinos dead. 100 chin-ups.
1:30pm --The Rockefeller's arrive for weekend stay. Filipino girls. 4 hours. Ted so disappointed.
6:00pm --Dinner is served. Kids don't finish. Pheasant left untouched. Beatings. 3 kids die from "Tuberculosis" say the newspapers.
7:00pm --Shirtless after dinner hike through canyon.
7:30pm --Entertains guests. Wrestles 3 bulls. Won't stop until they say "uncle." 3 dead bulls.
8:30pm --Ballroom dancing. Rockefeller dances with Mrs. Roosevelt. Rockefeller's first born is now in charge of family business.
9:30 --Story time. "The Baby Blue Whale Goes To Manhattan" puts Teddy right to sleep.