Creep Me Out, Why Don't You Babe

There is this chimney sweep at work who creeps everyone out to the max. He stares, he will give you the chills on occasion, he is awkward, he is sheltered and he will kill someone before his lift is over. GUARANTEED. Oh ...I also think he has his way with small yard animals because I read that is where Jeffrey Dahmer got his start.

I don't want to say his name or explain him too much because he might be reading my mind right now. The way he looks at people, he could have this ability. For example, I was in the kitchen with him the other day and he said to me, "you making a coffee Casey?" I thought to myself, "WHOA! How did he know that?" Sure, I make a few every day, but you never can tell if you suspect some creepy wizard of being a mindreader. I just ended up buying a Hi-C from the vending machine to throw him off a bit.

He makes people mad a lot for his lack of couth and basic social interaction, but he really makes me mad because he is a salesperson (?) and he eats and talks on the phone. He has such horrible manners and he is a really loud eater. I just want to wire his jaw shut ...and to keep him alive, throw vanilla pudding at his face from across the cubicles a couple of times a day.

The real story here is that a bunch of people at work think he masturbates in the men's restroom everyday at the same time in the afternoon. It kind of turned into a Yeti deal to where people claim to have seen or heard something. BUT, I cracked the case! >>>>MAGNUM P.I.'s MUSTACHE!<<<< I went into a restroom on another floor. There are two doors to enter into the resroom, and as I entered through the first door I heard a terrible noise. I would have stopped, but the doors are only like 4 feet apart and my momentum pushed to enter the second door. That is when I heard the terrible noise again. I clearly startled the person who was in the far left of the bathroom at the sink. I did not look up much. I only glanced enough to see a blue shirt and an arm up towards a head through the mirror.

"Hey Casey"
"Oh hey (Name)

I went into a stall and just sat there with my clothes on. HAHAHA! I said that as if I normally strip down naked when using the loo!

No more noises and I could tell that he was trying to be super quiet. I heard a lot of spitting. Then I heard a lot of teeth brushing. It was like the Yeti took off his hairy outfit to reveal an old man name Fred who was relieved to tell the world that the Yeti was just a regular dude from Northern Minnesota who played racquetball every Tuesday. The creepy guy at work is bulimic. Everything made sense.

The certain times of day to sneak off after he ate at his desk ...
The noises everyone else heard ...
His sickly appearance ...
Make no mistake about it, he was gagging himself in that mirror when I went into that bathroom.

*The vanilla pudding comment above was a thought before I knew he was bulimic*

So what does one do? Help him? Feel sorry for him? Does his creepocity lower because now we know he has a real problem? Does is get stronger?

Hey! I am no fucking doctor! I just wanted to tell you the story.

Bye.