Online Chat Help?

Hi.

My brother told me he was searching for some Irish jewelry and came upon the site "www.mycelticjewelry.com." They offer live chat help while you are searching for whatever it is you are searching for (rings, pendants, necklaces, etc). My brother was giving her a hard time and told me to hop on the site to check it out. Here is my conversation (and yes, I am an asshole, but I just listed their website and I bet I drum up SOME business for them, right?)

I am "Guest."


Guest: Is this a real person?
Sharon: Yes
Guest: Hello? Is this a real person
Guest: ok
Sharon: My name is Sharon.
Guest: Hi Sharon. My name is Thurstin. How are you!
Sharon: May I know, with whom I am speaking?
Guest: I am Thurstin Waters
Sharon: I'm fine, thank you.
Guest: the III
Guest: Good. Say hey....I was looking at some rings
Sharon: For any special occassion?
Guest: Well when I was looking for the rings, my sister came in and said, 'Do I look like a cat to you boy? Do I go hopping from tree to tree all nimbly bimbly?'
Guest: I thought that was weird!
Guest: I am looking for a wedding, but NOT with cats!
Guest: That would be weird
Sharon: Okay.
Guest: So what do you have?
Sharon: We have wide variety of rings.
Sharon: May I know your metal prefernce?
Guest: Heavy Metal! Skid Row, Metallica..you name it Sharon!
Sharon: Thurstin, do you prefer Gold, Silver, Platinum or White Silver?
Guest: oh..my sister is telling me you meant metal on my ring. I choose Platinum
Guest: but NOT Plutonium. That would be weird
Sharon: Thanks for the information.
Sharon: Are you looking for any specific Celtic design?
Guest: Do you have Boston Celtics? Like Larry Bird? Kevin McHale, etc?
Guest: My sister is telling me that you meant something else. Sorry!
Guest: yes. Any that have like Irish pigs on the ring?
Sharon: Thurstin, I am talking about traditional Celtic designs.
Sharon: Irish Pig?
Guest: yes
Sharon: I am sorry but I have not heard of any such Irish design.
Guest: My grandfather, Thelonius Monk, has a pig tattoo, and my girlfriend really likes it.
Sharon:
Guest: So I thought I would give her the gift of love..and put a pig on her ring
Sharon: Please check the designs on that page.
Guest: ok. give me one minute...checking....
Sharon: Okay.
Guest: WOW. I like the very last one!
Guest: Can you put an Irish Pig engraving on it?
Sharon: Please give me the product code.
Guest: 14k Platinum Celtic Wedding Band
Guest: I do not see a secret code
Sharon: 3I751K0000- this is the product code.
Guest: ok? big number
Guest: that is weird
Guest: You get any more K's in there...the NAACP will be in my grill
Guest: Hello?
Sharon: What type of engrave would you like?
Sharon: Your family crest?
Guest: "An Irish Pig for my love, Oscar"
Sharon: Well, we do engrave family names for family crest jewelry.
Guest: Do you have a family crest for an Irish pig?
Sharon: But I have to check whether this can be engraved or not.
Sharon: We have 2,500 family names in our database.
Guest: NICE! that is more than 2,400, if you think about it. Say hey...Oscar's last name is Tarnish. You got a crest for Tarnish?
Sharon: If your family title is 'Irish Pig', then we may have it in our database.
Guest: I am going to take the Tarnish last name
Guest: or family pig..if you have it!
Guest: but that would be soooo weird!
Sharon: We have to check.
Guest: Ok. I will wait right here
Guest: doobie doobie dooooo. strangers in the night....
Guest: exchanging pantses
Sharon: May I have your email address please.
Sharon: I beg your pardon
Guest: Sure. It's ..Tomselleckmustache@howsmydriving.com
Guest: so weird right?
Sharon: Thank you for the information.We will get back to you as soon as possible with the information.
Guest: Okay! have a nice day!
Sharon: yeah
Guest: You dont want me to have a nice day?
Sharon: You have a great day ahead
Guest: okay!
Guest: Have a good sleep and dont you go dying on me! I look forward to your email
Sharon: Oh sure!I will.

Girls I Go After

I went to Vegas a few weeks ago. Walking around with my friends, one of them noticed a good-looking girl dancing in front of a hotdog stand. She was grabbing attention as music blared outside of Harrah's. My friend looked twice and said, "Did you see that girl shaking her ass?" I replied, "I don't go for the girl shaking her ass by the hotdog stand anymore. I go for the girl working in the hotdog stand." The next day my friend handed me an old receipt in which he wrote my quote down on the back of it. I don't know what it means exactly, but I know it sums some of me up.

Sick @ Home On A Friday Night

I am just going to keep writing what I can before my NyQuil kicks in ...

Since I wrote about a guy I sit next to at work, it is only fair I talk about one of the new girls. Let's call her Big Bird. She is 6'2-6'3, has HUGE 80's hair and attire, and is generally weird. I don't know her that well yet, but I know enough to question if she is actually a "she" at all.

Finkel and Einhorn, Finkel and Einhorn, Einhorn and Finkel....

After great debate in my tiny brain, I figured he/she has a Swiss Army Crotch. Probably a man part, a woman part, a tiny pair of scissors, phillips screwdriver, bottle opener and some tweezers.

Stop Now Before You Embarrass Yourself

It is a saying that has been popping up all over the place over the last few months, and a saying you should never say again.

"Bringing sexy back."

"Bringing sexy back" is a 65-year-old man waiving glow sticks at a techno club. Just stop right now. It has already used up all of its good life.

I can already see it becoming a poor man's "bling bling." It does not have quite the power of "bling bling," but hopefully you get my point because I don't want to say those B-words again.

Sayings like these will start out in some form of entertainment and just explode. Cousins of the saying start popping up (Bringing "______" Back) They show up in songs, more movies, MTV, the vocabulary of the world's most talented rappers, etc. Then ...white people get a hold of the saying, which then turns into Ted Danson using it in a sitcom 3-years later, which then gets a chortle out of older generations when Ted Danson says the saying, which then lends the older generation thoughts of youth.

Complete death achieved.

I Sit Next To This Guy

I sit next to the following guy at work:

Hawaii print shirts, stock market, rubs himself raw to Reagan, Michael J. Fox devotion, Republican, racist, dock shoes, the youth of American are all stupid, sexist, ageist, Harry Connick Jr., that hair cut, talks politics, claims people around him "don't understand," talks down, believes we should wipe out other religions and still goes to bible study each week, Fletch Lives, gays are the only source of AIDS, dates a virgin for "purity," undermining, a user of people, black athletes are all criminals, Spaceballs, De Lorean, would move to Canada if Hillary Clinton becomes President, "The Jews man," complimenting when needy, non-charitable, sneaky, greasy salesman, bad hair plugs, short man complex, scumbag, Family Ties, comes and goes as he pleases, Dan Akroyd, doesn't owe anybody anything, friends are yes MEN, family is punching bag.

Love that guy.